Getting Unstuck: 3 Tips to breaking free

Stuck in the mud was a fun concept as a kid. Do you remember this primary school playground
favourite? For those of you who need a reminder - the concept of stuck in the mud (as we played it) was that you had one person who was "It" and the rest of the participants aimed to escape being caught. Once caught however, the player was stuck in the mud and was unable to move. Stuck. No movement. No going forward. No falling backwards. Stuck. They needed to stay put - legs slightly apart (second position distance for the childhood ballerinas among you) and you stayed there - stuck in the mud - until another player rescued you by tagging you and crawling through the gap between your feet. This game gave us hours of fun through my young childhood and it may have been the same for you.

Fast forward to adult hood and the concept of being stuck isn't so much fun. It certainly doesn't feel like a game... And unfortunately, especially for mid career professionals and even sometimes for those quite early in their career but a few years into a job - this feeling of being stuck (and too still for comfort) is quite common.

So what do you do? Are you content to stay stuck or do you crave movement of some kind?

For those of you ready to move, here are 3 tips for becoming "unstuck":

1. Do something different
Often feeling stuck can relate to monotony. Your routine may look like any of these. You go to work, you go home. You go to work, you go to a fitness class, you go home. You wake up the kids, make breakfast, rush out the door and do the school run, go into work, come home and make dinner, go to bed. These are all different scenarios and whether you are following one which looks like this or one which doesn't - if you can describe the vast majority of your day to day and week to week process as a 'routine', you may need to do something different in order to get getting unstuck. Go to a (different) dance class, start training for a charity run, meet up with your university buddies, babysit for a friend, have lunch with a mentor, do something touristy in your city... It really doesn't matter exactly what you do but you just need to commit to doing something different to avoid monotony.

2. Take a break
Related to the first tip -taking a break is one of the best ways to do work towards becoming unstuck. This doesn't have to be a 2 week vacation on a beach (though that would be great if you could swing it!) but it can be a one night spa break with some friends or even just a one-day out of town trip. Get out of town, take in some different air, and enjoy the break in routine. Sit on a pier and watch the world go by. Have a picnic in a park. Whatever you do... Do also make sure this is a break from technology too where you're fully enjoying your own company or the company of the people you're with. No emails. No facebook and twitter. Just you and the break you deserve. With the break will come some clarity and with clarity - informed, more intuitive decision making can follow.

3. Enlist support

First, a disclaimer:  Enlisting support is not a free pass to moan and complain to whoever will listen (i.e. Just bi***ing to your friends does it count)... But a well thought out, constructive support system is often a crucial step in becoming unstuck. Why? Well... Have you ever had an experience where a someone has shared a challenge and you felt confident to share useful insight? I bet you have... And you may even have received a response like "I never thought of that." Adversely, ever noticed though that if you had a similar challenge you were less likely to have the same useful insight about yourself? It's true (and common).

With that in mind, if you need to get unstuck, get support. Do not keep banging your head against a brick wall. Meet up with supportive girlfriends, talk to a parent or sibling, tap into the experience of a mentor (I did that years ago when I asked an ex-boss of mine to review my CV as I truly felt like I couldn't improve it further / didn't know where to go with it - and he was instrumental in helping me get unstuck)  hire a coach to stretch and challenge you - and more.

I hope these three tips connect with you... And even if they feel scary - that's quite a good sign as to get unstuck and move forward you need to stretch out of your comfort zone.

To sum up, a notion that one of my mentors, Lisa Sasevich, shared is great encouragement to do something to get unstuck. She quoted:

"A step in the wrong direction is better than staying on the spot all of our life. Once you're moving forward you can correct your course as you go. Your automatic guidance system cannot guide you when you are standing still... action is the secret sauce."

So - remembering that imperfect action is better than no action at all, I wish you luck in getting unstuck. Try some of the above... you'll be amazed how far you'll go!

*****

Want to use this article on your blog or ezine? No problem... you just need to include the below:

Gina Visram is a career coach, speaker, mentor and author who works with ambitious, multi-tasking women (and men!) who are ready to work hard at being successful in their careers and personal lives - on their own terms. She has recently published Happily Ever After for Grown Ups: A Post-Wedding, Blues-Busting Guide for Newlyweds" and is committed to  helping people get over overwhelm and achieve the career success/life balance they seek. For more information and to sign up to her free newsletter visit www.limitlesscoaching.com. 

5 inspiration activators for you

I don’t know about you, but at the moment – I am happily accepting ‘inspiration’ from wherever it comes. It is mid-April (we’re in the second quarter of 2013 already!) and for those of us in the UK and Europe and even much of the US – it has been a long winter with sun and warmth being but a distant dream. The season of spring – the season that represents new beginnings is only now beginning to grace us with its presence. Not sure whether this is the case for you, but sunshine has always been a source of energy and inspiration for me and with so many conversations focused around meteorological matters at the moment, I thought you may appreciate a quick run-down of 5 things which may inspire you, rain or shine.

Inspiration for the purpose of this blog post is anything which makes you smile, energise you, motivate you, generate new ideas or confidence in yourself and more. Have a read, let me know what you think of these inspiration activators and please share some of your own.

#1: Connect with loved ones

Stepping away from social media for a while to have a face to face or even a phone connection with a loved one can be really energising. Don’t get me wrong – I am a HUGE fan of social media for forming and maintaining connections but it is the face to face time, phone conversations, Skype calls etc. that are at the heart of true connection. This week, take 10 minutes to make a phone call to someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with. You may find it leaves you with a spring in your step. 

#2: Take a break

Our daily and weekly routines can become overwhelming when working in the way we do, so pay attention to what your body and mind are telling you and have a break. R recently celebrated a birthday and we had an amazing break in Abu Dhabi (SUCH fun) – but it doesn’t need to be an overseas excursion to be inspirational. A day or two away from the daily grind can work wonders and you are likely to return inspired and ready to work towards your most pressing goals

#3 Listen to music you love

Music is so powerful! Whatever music moves you is what you should listen to (and if applicable, dance to) as often as you can. My personal taste ranges from Bon Jovi (mainly the stuff from the 90s) to soca music from the Caribbean – and when I hear music that I want to sing along to or jump and wave to – it’s a real inspiration. What track / type of music rejuvenates you? (Below is a track from Trinidad Carnival 2013 that puts a smile on my face and motivates me)...

 #4 Start your day doing something for you

In my experience, when you start your  day doing something for you (as opposed to your employer or anyone else) – you set yourself up for a more positive day, having had a flash of early morning inspiration. This ‘something for you’ can be doing some exercise, writing a blog, texting some friends and / or anything else that you will be proud to have done at the end of the day. Ticking something off your list at the beginning of the day, that you have been keen to get done can be energising. 

#5 Seek inspiration in others

Whether it’s your pre-school aged child who made yet another hilarious comment or your favourite author doing a TED talk (see an example below) – real people in their own moments can sometimes inspire you to keep on pushing those boundaries which enable you to do your very best, whatever the circumstances. 

The above are some of my inspiration activators. Now it's your turn. I'd love to hear whether these work for you and to know about some of yours. Don't be shy... use the comment box below.


Want to use this article on your blog or ezine? No problem... you just need to include the below:

Gina Visram is a career coach, speaker, mentor and author who works with ambitious, multi-tasking women (and men!) who are ready to work hard at being successful in their careers and personal lives - on their own terms. She has recently published Happily Ever After for Grown Ups: A Post-Wedding, Blues-Busting Guide for Newlyweds" and is committed to  helping people get over overwhelm and achieve the career success/life balance they seek. For more information and to sign up to her free newsletter visit www.limitlesscoaching.com.  

 

Happy dances and holidays

On the Saturday of the Easter weekend, I raced to the door when I heard the mail drop through the letter box. Ignoring the other 3 items, I picked up a padded envelope and when I saw the identification stamp on the back, I felt my shoulders drop immediately. I exhaled, it was here… Just in time. I could relax as its arrival meant that I’d stay on track with my deadline.

As those of you who are part of the “Happily Ever After forGrown-Ups” community on Facebook will know – it was my final proof copy of my book that I received in the post. I ripped open the envelope and a wide smile immediately took residence on my face.

This moment inspired today’s post (and hopefully reading to the end will make you think and allow you to reward yourself with a fun video). 

Before I continue, I just want to emphasise that when patting yourself on the back isn’t a regular occurrence, it can feel strange to stop and – date I say – congratulate yourself, but that’s exactly what I did on Saturday morning. As I ran my fingers over the lettering of the title and looked at the book from every angle again and again – I could not quite believe that I had reached that point. After over a year of blood, sweat, tears and one helluva balancing act – I was nearing the finish line in the writing/publishing process. 

Alone at home, I found myself doing a little happy dance and as it felt so great, it got me thinking about why and how we should celebrate our successes – big and small – so check out these ‘happy dance’ worthy occasions

1. The obvious: Do a little jig to celebrate something you are proud of. This can be for something as big as completing a major project you’ve been working on to as (seemingly) little as choosing salad over chips for lunch if you’re trying to be healthy.
2. Feeling like you are making progress at work: You may be working towards your next promotion or pay rise… or may be determined to start feeling like you are doing your job at a standard you can be really proud of. Determination to do well is a fantastic quality and when you can help your employer recognise your good work (let’s face it – sometimes it’s necessary to point out what’s in front of their face!) – It’s a great moment. Celebrate it!
3. Getting together with a group of friends and / or family: You don’t have to be Carrie Bradshaw and the SATC (Sex and the City) girls to get together for a long leisurely lunch and drinks with your nearest and dearest. Try it. Book in a Saturday or Sunday lunch with some friends you want to catch up with – enjoy some awesome food and ignore your watches, phones, social media channels and more. Instead, focus on this group of friends and enjoy the quality time together. Certainly happy dance worthy.

I could continue (and include an example about how an upcoming surprise holiday for my husband is likely to be another happy dance moment), but I am much more interested in what your happy dance moments have been recently.  Go on… Share some of these moments via the comments box below. 

Remember, life can sometimes feel like it’s passing by at a speed due to our many responsibilities, commitments and sometimes even due to our incessant focus on our goals – but the journey becomes much more enjoyable when you take a moment to celebrate. Dance baby… dance (like Chandler and our favourite Friends in the video here) and remember to share your moments below)!

Happy Easter. Enjoy the rest of your Easter holiday. 

Want to use this article on your blog or ezine? No problem... you just need to include the below:

Gina Visram is a career coach, speaker, mentor and author who works with ambitious, multi-tasking women (and men!) who are ready to work hard at being successful in their careers and personal lives - on their own terms. She has recently published Happily Ever After for Grown Ups: A Post-Wedding, Blues-Busting Guide for Newlyweds" and is committed to  helping people get over overwhelm and achieve the career success/life balance they seek. For more information and to sign up to her free newsletter visit www.limitlesscoaching.com. 

Let's hear it for the girls!

Being 2013, it would be good to feel like we recognise the achievements of women every day, but this still isn’t necessarily the case. Luckily, in the past few weeks, we’ve had a few built in occasions such as “International Women’s Day” and “Mothers’ Day” which encourage us to think about the amazing contribution women make… and hopefully these dates serve as triggers to remind us why we should celebrate the achievements of women all year round.

Amidst these very worthy celebrations of the achievements of women, there were a couple of moments in the past week that made me pivot between pausing proudly to ponder how far we've come and stopping firmly in my tracks… in realisation of how far we still have to go. These included:

1. An e-mail from a childhood friend
Last week, I received a beautiful email from a childhood friend of mine. She sent this email to a small group of her friendship circle, featuring women currently based in Europe, Africa, Asia, North America and beyond - all of whom she'd gone to school / university with at some point during her journey. In this email, she eloquently shared her news on a city move and an update about her job situation intertwined with mention of her evolving relationship. I had opened this message when on the go between appointments and found myself stopping in the rain to read and re-read this message. I smiled. Not just due to the fact that I'd received what felt like the equivalent of a personal letter in the post (like back in the day before postal content was more or less exclusive to bills, bank statements and takeaway menus!) but also because she seemed to be living the dream. Not in a million dollar mansion "baller" kind of way but in the modern, 21st century way of balancing your personal / relationship life with your career plans. Adventure, uncertainty, goal setting and more… it was all there. This didn't sound like the life of a girl who would be burdened with a series of what ifs. Instead, she was out there, living, loving and ensuring that she was making enough proactive decisions to ensure that life wasn't happening to her... She was actively living it. For that reason, I wanted to share that story today- just as a mini nudge if needed, to make sure you're living yours too!

2. A knee-jerk Facebook status
This encounter was also prompted by correspondence with a childhood acquaintance, but admittedly with the opposite, less heart-warming effect to what I have described above. On International Women's Day, this FB friend made a comment along the lines of "If I ever have a daughter, she won’t be posting quotes from ‘blank slates’ like Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn”. Instead, this Facebook contact of mine insisted that his future daughter wouldn’t cite inspiration as women “whose sole talent was in being pretty” and he instead suggested citing “Pankhurst or Marie Curie?”

What? I thought. WHAAAAT? I baulked at his objection, disagreeing on so many levels and here's the main one...

The idea that someone, be it a dad, brother or other (male) acquaintance may feel that he is in a position to be instructional regarding who inspires his (hypothetical) daughter scares me! The fact that Audrey Hepburn was actually a multi-lingual humanitarian is almost insignificant – it is the dictating of who should and who should be deemed inspirational that doesn’t feel acceptable to me. As current / future parents, we can ensure that we give our girls a wide range of role models, from mothers to politicians and more – but we belittle any progress we are making for women by restricting their thoughts. 

So… whether or not you were involved and tweeting about #IWD2013, celebrating Mothers’ day or whether these dates passed you by entirely earlier this month – I have a challenge for you. In the spirit of being true to who and what inspires you, tell three women in your life (these can be colleagues, friends, family etc.) why you admire them.  Do it before the end of March. Up for it? Do come back and share your story of how you got on…

3 reasons to LOVE your job

As much as some of us try to resist succumbing to a commercially driven day of 'love', it can sometimes be hard to resist getting swept up in the hype. A few years before meeting my gorgeous husband, I had one of my most enjoyable Valentines evenings ever. Sounds harsh but this wasn't with another man (not one I was romantically interested in anyway) but was with a group of - at the time - single work colleagues and we had a great rebellious, 'anti-Valentine’s day' dinner. It was much fun - but admittedly, still a nod (in our own way) to what is a commercially driven occasion.

The way I see it though is that taking a moment to think about something you love isn't a bad thing (unless V day is the one and only day that love is recognised... Then that is bad) - so, whether in a loved up relationship or not, why not recognise other things you love. Like your job for example. Tenuous? Maybe... But work with me here: 

3 reasons to love your job this Valentine’s week: 

1. It is aligned with your values and beliefs 
This is a biggie. If the job you are doing/career path you are pursuing doesn't align with your values and beliefs, it is likely that you'll never love what you do. Values represent what is important to you - they reflect your authentic self. Do you value kindness? Helping the community? Fun? Adventure? If you are in a role that resonates with your values, that’s a great reason to love your job. If you’re not…then do something about it!

2. It helps you live your life
Does your salary contribute to the lifestyle you are currently living? Yes… well good – that is yet another reason to love your job this Valentine’s week! Don’t get me wrong – if the only thing you value about your job is your salary and you’d want to change everything else then it may be time to see if you can find a more fulfilling role, but for now, take a brief moment to love what you currently have.

3. You get satisfaction from achieving your tasks
Through the work you do on a daily basis, you have the opportunity to do yourself proud. By working to the best of your abilities, every day you can pat yourself on the back and recognise that you are doing good work. Again, there is a chance that your role doesn’t challenge you as much as you would like – but nothing is stopping you from finding something that will stretch you to use your skills in a way that you can be especially proud of but for today… show yourself some love for what you do… currently do.

Valentine’s Day has been and gone and as a focus on ‘love’ is somewhat forced on us, why not take the opportunity to explore the elements of your career that you love. If in this analysis, you establish that you are truly grateful for the career you have – then congrats! If you have realised that you are some distance from where you want to be, I want to congratulate you too… if you take some deliberate steps to achieve the greater thing you know you are destined to do.

As ever, you are welcome to be in touch if you’d like some help to make it happen. I’d be happy to be part of your journey towards true (career) love! 

Where did January go?

Do you remember having discussions about how hard it was to believe 2012 was already coming to an end. 

"Where did the year go?"

"2012 whizzed by... How did that happen?"

"It seemed like only yesterday that"... etc. 

You remember those conversations? They happened over office Christmas meals, seasonal drinks with your friends and festive meals with your families. Yet, here we are at the end of January already... Suggesting that 2013 may have the same Usain Bolt-esque speed that we experienced last year.

Whether or not you officially set yourself some resolutions / goals within the first month of the year, chances are, you at least paused to think about what you wanted 2013 to bring.

How is that going for you?

Here we are, past the alleged Blue Monday (3rd Monday in January - deemed to be a common day for giving up on new years resolutions), and on the cusp of the second month of the year. Even if you aren't a structured resolution or goal setter, I bet you still don't want the year to pass by without feeling like you've moved (edged, even) closer to your aspirations in some way. Whether its leaps and bounds or the slow but steady approach, don't let 2013 come to an end with only fireworks to make you say ooh and aaah.

My wish for you is that some of that incredulity is saved for your own special achievements this year. Whether that's earning a promotion, finding a new job, getting onto the dating scene, improving your health and fitness, going on a trip you've always dreamed of or starting your own business - achieving this aspiration won't be achieved without some effort.

For me, there are a few personal and professional goals that I would like to achieve, some of which I am happy to share with you.

1. Complete,  publish and promote my first book - Happily Ever After for Grown Ups (a career coaching book for newlyweds that I've been working on, on and off for 15 months and am now finished writing and approaching the production stage. Look out for it in March / April!

2. Quit the gym (yup... You gotta work out what suits you and what doesn't! - paying and not going doesn't!) and get back into dancing (belly dance and bollywood here I come!)

3. See and speak to friends more regularly (more face to face time than Facebook time)

This is just a few of many for me, and I've recently hired a coach to help me achieve a number of my business focused goals, of which there are many. Yup... Even coaches hire coaches! I'm a firm believer in the process which is why I love working with clients who are serious about doing, not just hoping - and I take the same approach when it comes to my own goals.

What about you? What sorts of things are you wanting to do? What will make this a game changing year for you? What can you do if you want to accelerate your progress? Here we are, already rapidly moving through 2013 with January already out of the way and it's up to you to make this thing happen.

Excited?

Behind every President, there's a...

What a day. I write this post after having woken up in the wee hours (UK time) to see CNN International confirm that Romney and and Obama had just spoken on the phone. It took over an hour from the initial projection of an Obama win but this "short polite" conversation eventually took place. So what happens now? As the President (re) elect takes to the stage... we celebrate. We celebrate and we celebrate some more.

Not only is this a celebration of another historic win... but it's another moment to be reflective. Am I talking about the economy? The pros and cons of Obamacare? Whether or not Sandy had an impact on the result? Not today. I'm not a political analyst... but one thing I'm happy to observe (and comment on at least) is the recognition both candidates gave to their supporters - hence the name of this post.

Behind every President there are dedicated supporters, and it was my reflection on this point prompted me to deliver my very own PSA (public service announcement), so here goes:

Take a moment, stop and think about the people who support you. Then take the time to say THANK YOU! They are truly a welcome factor in your success. If you don't generally take the time to show your gratitude (which would not be uncommon due to how busy we all are), take the time now. Pick up the phone... drop them an email... send an effusive tweet... communicate in person (the latter may seem old school but it's often the best!). Do all of the above if you feel so moved, but do definitely take the time to thank your supportive network.

If you'd like to take inspiration from the President's speech this morning, before doing your own thank yous, have a look at these sentiments:

"You lifted me the whole way and I will always be grateful"

"I want to thank every American who participated in this election. Whether you voted for the very first time or waited in line for a very long time – by the way, we have to fix that – whether you pounded the pavement or picked up the phone, whether you held an Obama sign or a Romney sign, you made your voice heard and you made a difference."

"I have the best campaign team and volunteers in the history of politics."

and of course:

"I wouldn't be the man I am today without the woman who agreed to marry me 20 years ago."

The most re-tweeted photo ever as of 07/11/2012 - an image the President shared after being re-elected

So... after a long day for anyone who was following American politics (regardless of candidate preference), I just want to say thank you President Obama. Thank you for your ability to connect not just with your countryfolk but with those of us across oceans... and for reminding us to express gratitude to our supporters in our own lives (and here's to #4moreyears!)

If you missed his acceptance speech, you can view it here (coutesy of CNN):